capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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