I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
