omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
