Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
