whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
