tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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