You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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