Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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