when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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