she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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