woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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