I think i peed on brittanys purse
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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