textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
