You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
