Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
