One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize