8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize