Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
