when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
