Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
