you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
