the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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