how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize