I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
