Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
