I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a hot homeless man
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
