2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
