And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
