if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
