the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
