did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize