It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
