That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
