nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
