Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
