I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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