how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize