Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
