is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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