I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
