I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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