You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize