I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
