ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
