note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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