my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
