If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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