so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
