I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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