First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
