did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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