Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
