I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
