Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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