I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
