yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
