Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
