lets start a swedish sibling band together
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
