Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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