Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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