they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
