Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
