we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
