I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
