my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
