a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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