Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
