It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
