My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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