Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
