It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
