He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize