You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
