Don't you send me to vm
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize