ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
