well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
