She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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