he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
