your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize