I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
