so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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