do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
