Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am available for nakedness
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize