he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
