I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
