i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
