Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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