Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
