i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
