i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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