I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
