I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
