Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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