there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
