I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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