My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
