just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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