HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
