grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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