did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
