I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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