Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
