I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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