I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
