why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you made out with another girl for some wings
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize