Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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