Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
