a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you made out with another girl for some wings
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am mentally ready for anal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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