I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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