Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
